Contact Aaron Tveit
If there's one thing you need to be a successful actor it's daddy issues. Sorry that was a typo. If there's one thing you need to be a successful actor it's a website. As you all know, I went to Ithaca College for theatre. Maybe you've heard of it??? JEREMY JORDAN went here. Also another guy by the name of AARON TVEIT? Know him?! Yeah he spent a semester here. I'm basically 8 Aaron Tveits cause I spent all 4 years here. I'm half as handsome with 7 times the debt. Anyways, the good news about being an alumni of Ithaca College is that you must have a website to graduate. You technically don't have to publish it, but simply make one for a final. I published mine however because why would I miss the opportunity to share a website that has essentially the same news section as all my friends (Showcase March 16th!!!) and for my friends from high school and middle school who don't know anything about the business to comment "looks great, man!"?? That's right. I wouldn't miss that opportunity.
My favorite thing about actor websites is the Contact Me section. It usually already has the actors personal email, because when you're this desperate for work privacy is more of an abstract concept than a practical goal, but more importantly it also has one of those forms for contacting the actor through his or her website. What a privilege this is. If an agent or casting director is ever so invested in me that they choose to contact me not through my email or by phone but through the contact me form on my website literally see you all never because I'm definitely going to be famous or at least on Broadway.
That being said, I've decided to take advantage of the contact me forms on my friends website under the guise of industry professionals and I wanted to share it with you all.
Actress: Denali Bennett. denalibennett.com
Name: Never Mix
Email: hurtstosing@youbetcha.net
Subject: Turn that palate upside down!!!
Message: Are you SICK of people complimenting you on your high healthy belt??? Jealous of your friends who are on vocal rest??? Do you want to get scoped, once, just once, and be genuinely worried about the results?? Then do I have a deal for you!!!
My name is Rachel Gould, I am in no way affiliated with the Ithaca College London Center, while we're on the topic, and I'm here to tell you that you CAN undo years of healthy singing. Get that rasp you so crave a la the girl who sings Charming in Natasha Pierre or Rachel Bay Jones from Anxious White Boy Gets Literally Everything He Wants with just ONE to NINETEEN sessions with me. Help me slam those precious white vocal folds together like the sluts they are. Here are some testimonies from clients of mine:
"Ouch!" - Jose U, YoungArts Honorable Mention '13
"Are you sure this is healthy? I thought you were supposed to inhale before you sing" - Maya Musical, recent name change '17
"Love it!!!" - Lin Manuel Miranda, though this was not in regards to my course.
Enroll today!!! Cash, check and Bonus Bucks accepted. IDExpress will incur a 28% fee.
Actress: Maya Musial. mayamusial.com
Email: genuine@notascam.edu
Subject: LEGIT offer
Message: Hello. My subject line says legit offer for two reasons. One because this is a legitimate offer, two because this is an offer for someone legit. Whether or not I mean legit in terms of voice training or just in regards to integrity is up to YOU. Speaking of you, this is an amazing segue. I am looking for an actress. I notice your website says that, in a way. I worry about the part that says "actor" instead of actress for I have always struggled with gender. Not personally, but I certainly forget which is which a LOT. Back to you. I am a producer. A really big one. Don't be alarmed, I am thin, but I know tons of people along with having an amazing metabolism. Please don't share this message with anyone as Equity maybe even AGVA will find out and you will be blacklisted. You will never ever ever be a Rockette if you share this message. Another amazing segue. Rockettes. Christmas. Broadway. Ring any bells???? If you know what's good for you you'll get what tree I'm barking up and you'll send me some fruit and sign this contract which I have attached. Remember, sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never keep the Doctor away. Yes, that's right, Doctor. Like the one in WAITRESS. Sara Bareilles follows me on Instagram so please be in my show. Talk later. Don't lose or gain any weight we will know.
Actor: Cam Wenrich. camwenrich.com
Name: Actual Agent
Comment: Hello! I am an actual agent with real clients and tons of connections. I know things like Broadway and Equity and Un-Equity. I'm looking for new clients, mostly young, handsome men and because Ithaca College got honorable mention on playbill.com for Top 10 BFA Programs I was perusing your student directory. Your bio was funny but definitely not "strictly business enough." Your bio should be more of a walk through of your career. Nevertheless, because I have so much industry know how, I've decided to chew it up and spit it right into your throat, like a mama bird. I am also an ornithologist. I LOVE birds. They're sick, but an "impractical career" and so I settled for the theatre because it is far more predictable and secure. Again, not just an ornithologist but an ACTUAL AGENT. Please send me photos so I can have you be in shows like Defying Gravity by Wicked or Glee/Glee Project. Shirtless is in right now. Thanks!!
Thanks for reading y'all!
My favorite thing about actor websites is the Contact Me section. It usually already has the actors personal email, because when you're this desperate for work privacy is more of an abstract concept than a practical goal, but more importantly it also has one of those forms for contacting the actor through his or her website. What a privilege this is. If an agent or casting director is ever so invested in me that they choose to contact me not through my email or by phone but through the contact me form on my website literally see you all never because I'm definitely going to be famous or at least on Broadway.
That being said, I've decided to take advantage of the contact me forms on my friends website under the guise of industry professionals and I wanted to share it with you all.
Actress: Denali Bennett. denalibennett.com
Name: Never Mix
Email: hurtstosing@youbetcha.net
Subject: Turn that palate upside down!!!
Message: Are you SICK of people complimenting you on your high healthy belt??? Jealous of your friends who are on vocal rest??? Do you want to get scoped, once, just once, and be genuinely worried about the results?? Then do I have a deal for you!!!
My name is Rachel Gould, I am in no way affiliated with the Ithaca College London Center, while we're on the topic, and I'm here to tell you that you CAN undo years of healthy singing. Get that rasp you so crave a la the girl who sings Charming in Natasha Pierre or Rachel Bay Jones from Anxious White Boy Gets Literally Everything He Wants with just ONE to NINETEEN sessions with me. Help me slam those precious white vocal folds together like the sluts they are. Here are some testimonies from clients of mine:
"Ouch!" - Jose U, YoungArts Honorable Mention '13
"Are you sure this is healthy? I thought you were supposed to inhale before you sing" - Maya Musical, recent name change '17
"Love it!!!" - Lin Manuel Miranda, though this was not in regards to my course.
Enroll today!!! Cash, check and Bonus Bucks accepted. IDExpress will incur a 28% fee.
Actress: Maya Musial. mayamusial.com
Email: genuine@notascam.edu
Subject: LEGIT offer
Message: Hello. My subject line says legit offer for two reasons. One because this is a legitimate offer, two because this is an offer for someone legit. Whether or not I mean legit in terms of voice training or just in regards to integrity is up to YOU. Speaking of you, this is an amazing segue. I am looking for an actress. I notice your website says that, in a way. I worry about the part that says "actor" instead of actress for I have always struggled with gender. Not personally, but I certainly forget which is which a LOT. Back to you. I am a producer. A really big one. Don't be alarmed, I am thin, but I know tons of people along with having an amazing metabolism. Please don't share this message with anyone as Equity maybe even AGVA will find out and you will be blacklisted. You will never ever ever be a Rockette if you share this message. Another amazing segue. Rockettes. Christmas. Broadway. Ring any bells???? If you know what's good for you you'll get what tree I'm barking up and you'll send me some fruit and sign this contract which I have attached. Remember, sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never keep the Doctor away. Yes, that's right, Doctor. Like the one in WAITRESS. Sara Bareilles follows me on Instagram so please be in my show. Talk later. Don't lose or gain any weight we will know.
Actor: Cam Wenrich. camwenrich.com
Name: Actual Agent
Comment: Hello! I am an actual agent with real clients and tons of connections. I know things like Broadway and Equity and Un-Equity. I'm looking for new clients, mostly young, handsome men and because Ithaca College got honorable mention on playbill.com for Top 10 BFA Programs I was perusing your student directory. Your bio was funny but definitely not "strictly business enough." Your bio should be more of a walk through of your career. Nevertheless, because I have so much industry know how, I've decided to chew it up and spit it right into your throat, like a mama bird. I am also an ornithologist. I LOVE birds. They're sick, but an "impractical career" and so I settled for the theatre because it is far more predictable and secure. Again, not just an ornithologist but an ACTUAL AGENT. Please send me photos so I can have you be in shows like Defying Gravity by Wicked or Glee/Glee Project. Shirtless is in right now. Thanks!!
Thanks for reading y'all!
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