Subway Delays as Relationship Problems
Local Train Running Express
This train is moving way too quickly and doesn’t give a damn whether you’re on the same page or not. This train has baby room ideas all over its Pinterest and wants you to meet its parents ASAP. This train texts you “I miss you already” seconds after you leave its apartment. This train told you it loved you on the 4th date and you said it back cause you had 4 vodka tonics and skipped lunch cause you got that “Account Balance Under $25” email and you were drunk and now you’re trapped. Trying to get to 79th Street? Fuck you, you and this train are Facebook official now.
Express Train Running Local
This train is a ho and everyone knows it, including you. You hope that this time will be different and the train will take you to 42nd Street where you can finally get to know it but this train has other plans. Like 50th Street and sleeping with other people. This train will reminisce with you about dates you never went on (“Remember how much fun we had on 28th Street? Let’s go there now”) and you take it cause at the end of the day this train puts out. This train will be late to every single date you go on and will find a way to make it your fault, hitting you with "Why would you try to schedule anything important on a Sunday? You should've just came over." This train has an archive of dick pics and you can seriously get off whenever you feel like it cause it won’t even notice.
Delay Due to Train Traffic Ahead
This train is not over its ex and you’re gonna hear a lot about it. You especially have no escape because now you’re caught in between this train's grieving period and its plan for a new life, and also you don’t have cell phone service. This train takes extra long in the bathroom because it’s checking to see if its ex watched its story that’s a photo of you with the caption “dinner with this goon.” This train doesn’t know your birthday but knows its ex’s number by heart even though it deleted it, and it says it’s moving forward but we all know the truth.
Train Running On a Different Line
This train is confused about its sexuality and you are a damn fool for acting like it will still take you where you want to go. This train will only put out after a couple cocktails and even then you will still wonder how the outside of the train says “A- Inwood/207St ” but the electronic station map is for the 3 train, much like how its Tinder setting was for women but this train knows all the lyrics to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. This train still talks about the time it blacked out on 47-50 St/Rockefeller Plaza and slept with its best friend and then takes you there even though you were under the impression you were headed to Columbus Circle. This train is actively pretending to be something it’s not and you follow suit, venturing that the walk from West 4th to 8th St- NYU in the freezing cold won’t be that bad but it will be. As bad as sex with someone who’s gay when you are not.
Train Being Held Momentarily by the Dispatcher
This train has serious daddy issues and you are the tip of the iceberg my friend. This train will stop dead in the middle of the subway platform thinking it saw its father but it was just a man with broad shoulders. This train wouldn’t know love if it bit it in the rear car and you will spend days trying to undo years of trauma. This train will refuse your gifts and this train may be an early 20’s Gay Hispanic writer. Being Held Momentarily is a double entendre because this train is both being held up for a moment and will also only let you hold it momentarily before it decides you will hurt it just like every other guy, but especially the guy upstairs and I’m not talking about the MTA Station attendant behind the glass.
This train is moving way too quickly and doesn’t give a damn whether you’re on the same page or not. This train has baby room ideas all over its Pinterest and wants you to meet its parents ASAP. This train texts you “I miss you already” seconds after you leave its apartment. This train told you it loved you on the 4th date and you said it back cause you had 4 vodka tonics and skipped lunch cause you got that “Account Balance Under $25” email and you were drunk and now you’re trapped. Trying to get to 79th Street? Fuck you, you and this train are Facebook official now.
Express Train Running Local
This train is a ho and everyone knows it, including you. You hope that this time will be different and the train will take you to 42nd Street where you can finally get to know it but this train has other plans. Like 50th Street and sleeping with other people. This train will reminisce with you about dates you never went on (“Remember how much fun we had on 28th Street? Let’s go there now”) and you take it cause at the end of the day this train puts out. This train will be late to every single date you go on and will find a way to make it your fault, hitting you with "Why would you try to schedule anything important on a Sunday? You should've just came over." This train has an archive of dick pics and you can seriously get off whenever you feel like it cause it won’t even notice.
Delay Due to Train Traffic Ahead
This train is not over its ex and you’re gonna hear a lot about it. You especially have no escape because now you’re caught in between this train's grieving period and its plan for a new life, and also you don’t have cell phone service. This train takes extra long in the bathroom because it’s checking to see if its ex watched its story that’s a photo of you with the caption “dinner with this goon.” This train doesn’t know your birthday but knows its ex’s number by heart even though it deleted it, and it says it’s moving forward but we all know the truth.
Train Running On a Different Line
This train is confused about its sexuality and you are a damn fool for acting like it will still take you where you want to go. This train will only put out after a couple cocktails and even then you will still wonder how the outside of the train says “A- Inwood/207St ” but the electronic station map is for the 3 train, much like how its Tinder setting was for women but this train knows all the lyrics to “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls. This train still talks about the time it blacked out on 47-50 St/Rockefeller Plaza and slept with its best friend and then takes you there even though you were under the impression you were headed to Columbus Circle. This train is actively pretending to be something it’s not and you follow suit, venturing that the walk from West 4th to 8th St- NYU in the freezing cold won’t be that bad but it will be. As bad as sex with someone who’s gay when you are not.
Train Being Held Momentarily by the Dispatcher
This train has serious daddy issues and you are the tip of the iceberg my friend. This train will stop dead in the middle of the subway platform thinking it saw its father but it was just a man with broad shoulders. This train wouldn’t know love if it bit it in the rear car and you will spend days trying to undo years of trauma. This train will refuse your gifts and this train may be an early 20’s Gay Hispanic writer. Being Held Momentarily is a double entendre because this train is both being held up for a moment and will also only let you hold it momentarily before it decides you will hurt it just like every other guy, but especially the guy upstairs and I’m not talking about the MTA Station attendant behind the glass.
Jose. Keep writing keep writing keep writing I love every word you wry genius
ReplyDeleteThis.... this is it.
ReplyDelete